Blog 13

Sue Rubin

Eng. 390

Southern Labyrinths


Spanish Colonialism and its Effect on Cuban Identity

Environmental historian Alfred W. Crosby (1989) describes the Encounter in his essay, “Reassessing 1492”, otherwise known as the-discovery-of-the-Americas, as a sudden and boisterous event, likening it to “The Big Bang”. Before I delve into his explanation and defense I must add that the use of the term, Encounter, was intentional and used to describe a more truthful and egalitarian event in history. Crosby, much like Edward W. Said (1993) understood the importance of a narratives perspective in historical literature, especially during the Encounter of the Amerindians, to be one that told more about the narrator than its subject, the other.

Crosby suggests that in order to understand the influence and magnitude of change the Encounter should at some point be seen as a scale of time:

To find changes comparable to those wrought by Columbus and friends we have to go back beyond recorded time to the divisions between the periods of geological history. These were characterized by great geological changes-the meeting or separation of continents, the rising up of mountains, the draining or filling of inland seas, – and sometimes by large numbers of extinctions and the proliferation of new species. (p.665)

The Spanish colonization of Cuba changed the country geologically and possibly more notably, culturally, with the massacre of the Taino natives and the creation of a new species, The Cuban.

Before Cuba became Spain’s last colony Cuba was inhabited by Native Americans known as the Taino. Not much is known about this group other than they knew their land, farming, and fishing, hunting and gathering to sustain their lives on the island. Columbus’ exploration brought continents together and the encounter between the Taino and Spaniards had grave effects on the Taino population. Within a century the Taino were nearly extinct due to oppression and lack of immunity from disease brought by the Europeans. Death, some may even claim genocide, coupled with the importing of African and Chinese slaves and the immigration of European business men, other than the Spanish, would be the beginning of a new breed of man, The Cuban.

In the fifteenth century Spain had become a super power and empire that sought to expand its territories. Spain had perpetuated imperialistic ideals, something not new to history but significantly successful at an opportune time. This empire had grown and with the advancement of technology succeeded through colonization. Columbus and those that traveled to these distant colonies would be the voice, the narrators of a story that would become historical literature. This culture would describe from their perspective what they saw but more importantly how they saw it.

Said (1994) believed that the ideological theories that support and ground imperialism and colonization are the,“notions that certain territories and people require and beseech domination’’(p.9). I would go even further and suggest that once a group of people are dominated these ideological beliefs become true for the dominant party and accepted as truth; Stockholm syndrome, creating a new culture of people. In Cuba’s case this did not take long to take effect. They were a small group of people in comparison to Spain and did not have guns, horses and ships. Cuba was Spain’s last colony and considered by Spain to be La Siempre Fidelísima Isla (“The Always Most Faithful Island”).

Cuba did not become significant to Spain until the 1800’s. Before this time a new culture had already been created. Blacks, Whites, Chinese even Mexicans were mixing and cultures were crossing and influencing each other. Cuba had already begun trading with their neighbors, the United States. Once Spain’s Caribbean territories began to revolt and create civil unrest; seeking independence from Spain; Spain began to use Cuba to manufacture and produce sugar amongst other things. Thereafter Cuba became a leader in the production of sugar.

Perhaps it was the economic growth or independent ideals spread by far reaching lands or even the need for an identity outside of Europe. Whatever the true power behind Cuba’s fight for independence was, fight they did. However, this small country did not fight alone and sought a powerful ally; The United States. This ally was no different however from Spain and held very similar imperialistic and colonial ideals that Cuba would learn much later were being fed to them not by the literal chains of slavery they once knew but by commercialism and capitalism.

The product of hundreds of years of dominance by Spain made The Cuban less sustainable, hungry for capital, and susceptible to be being over taken by a more powerful country. Nevertheless, like Said said, history cannot be completely wiped away, the Taino were still alive within the Cuban, and for that matter Cuba did not stop fighting for their independence no matter how large their opponent was. They wrote their own history and forged their own future without an imperialistic power. They created new ideologies that did not see race as significant, produced national pride through Cuban heroes and supported their people by providing free education and healthcare. This new man, The Cuban recreated himself.


13: Termina una etapa y empieza otra

La mañana del 7 de enero era una muy diferente para mi. No sabia que hacer yo en el aeropuerto, era la primer vez que yo iba a irme de los estado unidos. Recuerdo despues que mi papa me dejo, empeze a sentirme como un extrangero. Me iba de mi casa sin conocer a alguien, con 17 otros estudiantes que yo no conocía. En el avion me puse a leer a Theroux, el escribio que para evitar ser extrangero en un lugar nuevo tenemos que completamente sumegernos en la cultura. La unica opcion que yo tenia era, dejar todo lo que se quedo en los estado unidos allí. Por las proximas dos semanas yo iba a dejar todos mi trabajos atras y aprovechar todo el tiempo que iba a pasar en España.

Despues de casi 24 horas de viaje llegamos a Granada, el primer paso que tome del autobus sabia yo que este viaje iba ser emocionante. Las calles de Granada son pequenas, me encanto que no habian muchos carros, y toda la gente estaba caminando. Despues de 24 horas era claro lo que Theroux escribió, “Living among such people intensified my sense of exclusion, of being a stranger, and it fascinated me” Me fascinaba que no conocia a nadie, y la cultura era completamente diferente. Y tambien estaba tomando yo la clase de espanol con el miedo de no hacer lo mejor posible para esa clase. Los tres dias que pasamos en Granada sintieron que pasaron muy rapidos, Desde la visita a la Alhambra y todos los museos, incluyendo el de Federcio Garcia Lorca, aprendi mucho de la cultura de España.



Tome muchas fotos en España, fotos que capturaron la belleza de un pais, de una cultura que ama al toro. Una cultura en donde el dia pasa muy despacio. Toman su siesta y almuerzo a las 2 de la tarde, cuando en los estado unidos tomamos el almuerzo a la hora que tengamos tiempo. No dejamos tiempo en el dia para hablar y comunicar con nuestro alrededor.

En Malaga tardamos mas tiempo, tuvimos la oportunidad de conocer mas de la ciudad y las cuidaes que esar alrededor. Aprendi y leí de autores como Lorca y la generacion de 27 y la gran parte que tomaron ellos en las fundaciones de la literatura espanola. Entre los seis dias visitamos Ronda y Cordoba, la mezquita y la cancha donde pelean toros. Pero despues de 6 dias en Malaga nos preparamos para el viaje a Marruecos, que era la parte mas diferente de todo el viaje. Leimos de varios autores que se fueron de los estados unidos, y me puse a pensar, “Que vieron ellos de este lugar que yo no puedo ver.” Por las experiencias que tuve yo, no pude encontrar la razon que ellos tenian paraa escribir y vivir en Marruecos. Pero eso es lo que me encanto, que la cutura era lo que enamoro a estos autores. Como la cultura de España era lo que me enamoro del país.

Pero ahora estoy de vuelta en los estado unidos con solo las fotos que tome y las memorias de todo lo que pase, los estudiantes nos fuimos por nuestro propio camino, y la escuela va empezar de nuevo. Todo a regresado a la normalidad, pero yo tengo en la mente todas las cosas que vivi en España y Marruecos que nunca voy a olvidar. Espero regresar pronto y enamorarme de toda la cultura de nuevo. Doy gracias por la oportunidad de visitar estos paises y la experiencia!

-Erick Recinos

Group Alhambra

A Picture Diary of Our Journey

Aidan and arch

Aidan leads the way to lunch from the Alhambra, in Granada.

Aidan and Kitty

Aidan makes a friend, at the Museo Federico García Lorca de la Huerta de San Vicente, in Granada.

aidan sarah jp tangier

Juan Pablo, Aidan, and Sarah relax. In the Medina, Tangier.

andrea el minzah

Enjoying Tangier luxury. At the El Minzah Restaurant, Tangier.

Andrea Ivette Clari Alhambra

Kodak moment, starring Ivette, Clari, and Andrea. Alhambra gardens, Granada.

assilah street scene

Street scene in Assilah, Morocco.

beautiful assilah

Murals in beautiful Assilah, Morocco.

candlelight dinner tangier

Diego and Clarissa enjoy a candlelight dinner. Tangier, Morocco.

casbah and port

Tangier port, from the walls of the Casbah, Tangier.

casbah kitty

Casbah kitty.

casbah rainy night

Casbah on a rainy night. Tangier, Morocco.

cervantes doreen andrea guide

At the Cervantes Institute, Tangier, Morocco. Doreen, Andrea, Guide.

el minzah couch

Reclining in luxury. At the El Minzah, Tangier, Morocco.

el minzah dancing

Dancing at the El Minzah, Tangiers, Morocco.

el minzah feast

What a feast! At the El Minzah, Tangier, Morocco.

El Minzah

The happy travelers, all together for the celebration dinner at the famous El Minzah, Tangier, Morocco.

eric makes a toast

Eric makes his first toast!

eric with guns

Our fabulous guide, the “other” Eric.

feast-doreen sarah andrea

The planners, hard at work. Doreen, Sarah, and Andrea (with a glimpse of Aidan).

ferry to tangier

On the ferry to Tangier!

Generacion 27

Fascinating discussions at the Centro Cultural del Generacion 27, Malaga, Spain.

Group Alhambra reflection

The group, enjoying the fabulous Alhambra, Granada, Spain.

Group Alhambra

The group, outside the Alhambra. Granada, Spain.

Huerta San Vicente

The group, at the Museo Federico García Lorca de la Huerta de San Vicente. Granada, Spain.

ivette 2 monkeys

Everyone loves Ivette! With two Barbary Macaques in Gibraltar.

Ivette monkey

Ivette makes some new friends. Gibraltar.

jessica dancing el minzah

Jessica shows the belly dancer how its done. At the El Minzah, Tangier, Morocco.

Juan Pablo Monkey

Juan Pablo and friend. Gibraltar.

juan pablo monkey2

Juan Pablo, Diego, and friends. Gibraltar.

Renee & Sue Alhambra

Renee and Sue enjoy the Alhambra. Granada, Spain.

Ronda group

A chilly day in Ronda. But at least we were safer than Hemingway’s characters! Ronda, Spain.

tangier casbah fountain

A fountain in the Casbah, Tangier, Morocco.

tangier lunch

Group lunch in Tangier, Morocco.

tangier medina andrea

Leaving the Medina, Tangier, Morocco. Can’t wait to come back!


Final: LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST, Be an adventurer every day

ATTENTION:  Before you read on, please play this song and listen either before you read or as you read.  The song’s beat and rhythm I feel really encompass my Spain and Morocco trip.  The adventures, the calamity, peace, and freedom felt as we explored the labyrinths of Spain and Morocco. Feel free to replay the song as I keep doing :)

Everything we experienced, was about taking it all in.

“Nothing can change what we’ve been”, nothing can change our beautiful experiences: what we saw, smelled, heard, tasted, experienced, learned.

“Take a picture you could never recreate”

This line sticks with me. Every picture I took in Spain, every adventure I took, every moment I experienced could never be recreated. The only way to really share
what I’ve seen is through pictures, but even that I feel is not enough. The beauty of it all, the feelings I had feeling there, the thoughts running through my head,
could only be expressed to others who weren’t there to a certain extent. Everything else, is stuck with me, in my memory and in my heart; it’s all something I could
never forget.

Our final goodbye

Our final goodbye

Last night in Madrid, Spain, Trip- On an adventure to find desert

Last night in Madrid, Spain, Trip- On an adventure to find desert

Madrid Streets

Madrid Streets

A Purrr-fect lunch (surrounded by cats)

A Purrr-fect lunch (surrounded by cats)

Ferry to Tangier!!

Ferry to Tangier!!

Tangier, Morocco!!

Tangier, Morocco!!

Artwork on the walls of Assilah

Artwork on the walls of Assilah

Sunset over Malaga

Sunset over Malaga

Sunset over Sevilla

Sunset over Sevilla

Loving the adventures :)

Loving the adventures :)

A view above it all, for only one euro

A view above it all, for only one euro

Plaza de Espana, Sevilla

Plaza de Espana, Sevilla

Stalling to finish Erick's sunset time lapse, Malaga

Stalling to finish Erick’s sunset time lapse, Malaga

Touching the Mediterranean Sea for the first time

Touching the Mediterranean Sea for the first time

First view of Cordoba

First view of Cordoba

Loving the adventures in Sevilla!

Loving the adventures in Sevilla!

“It was as a solitary traveler that I began to discover who I was and what I stood for.” (page 13, Being a Stranger, Paul Theroux).
As the plane was coming to a land, I peeked over to see outside the window, waiting for that final landing.
Still, I felt somewhat connected.  My ancestors were from here, from both my mom’s and dad’s side.  I have a certificate at home that states that my mom’s maiden name originates from Espana!

There was so much to see.  So much to taste, to experience, and to learn from.  From the start I felt that I had learned so much pretty quickly.  And as Thereox suggested,  I will continue to try to immerse myself in the culture.  Begin using the word “vale”, instead of “okay” (each time I say “okay” I feel like such a foreigner).  In order to really learn from it all, I must immerse myself, by tasting the food, doing what they do (taking siestas when they do), eating when they do, and picking up the style and practice of living life happily and enjoying it all.

Things I have done to immerse myself:
-speaking Spanish CHECK
-having chocolate with churros CHECK
-having el menu del dia CHECK
-have begun to learn the street names CHECK
-becoming accustomed to the different eating times, portions, and practices (not tipping waiters-kind of nice being a college student) CHECK
Still to do:
-use the word vale CHECK
-go tapas hopping to try all of the tapas!  CHECK
-see a flamenco show CHECK
-take a siesta!!!! soon hopefully CHECK


I think what I learned was that everything you do, every decision you make is something you decide to do.  It’s my decision.  And in reality, I have to make the most of all that I live and all that I do.  I learned to be more adventurous in my journeys abroad.  As I try to readjust myself into the busy lifestyle I have here back home, I think to myself, why not bring this adventurous side and put it to something good.

I should be proud of every decision that I make and every decision that I make should be done because I mean it.  If I want to do something at our SFER chapter, don’t just imagine it to happen or wish on education improving.  In Spain,  if I wanted to eat el menu del dia,  then I had to find somewhere where they were serving el menu del dia-in other words, I must take the steps I have to take if I want what would result.

Sometimes I can get so caught up in my constantly busy schedule of a full class schedule, working at two places, babysitting, and SFER.  And it’s okay to be busy, because honestly, I kind of like it.  But as I did in Spain, and loved that I was able to do, I must also be adventurous, appreciative of every moment, and really take life in.  Live my life, not just fall in a routine every day.  And that’s the thing, back in Spain, even though we had scheduled events, there was no constant routine.  It was about exploring and seeing all of Spain that we could.

I now sit here in my room, writing my final, feeling different, good different, and inspired to live my life to the fullest.  I never thought I would feel different now than I did 21 days ago when I embarked on this Southern Labyrinths journey, yet I do.  I can see now how writers found inspiration to write in traveling and in being somewhere where they felt a stranger, or saddened from leaving home.  I guess I came out with the the same perspective that I had going on this trip, as I stated in my first blog:  everything around us is inspiration, and beauty.

“One of my favorite quotes said that we must look around us for inspiration.  In Spain and Morocco there will be so much to learn from.  I am excited to visit a new country and explore the ways in which the culture influenced the literature.”  I never thought I’d learn as much as I did.  This is a trip that I will NEVER forget.  I have had some many amazing experiences with great friends that I have made.  We had such a great group and I am so thankful because you all really made this trip what it was: AMAAAAZING!

Even if I were to go back to Spain in the future, which I do plan on doing, I don’t think I could ever recreate the same experiences I had in this Spain and Morocco 2013 trip.  I wouldn’t want to try.  Even if I went to the same place, or EVEN if the same people went,  I don’t think I could come close to having the same experience as I did.  This trip was so unique.  It was my first time abroad, overseas, in completely different countries.

One of the first experiences abroad that caused me to reflect on myself and my goals was learning about what Gabriel Garcia Lorca did as a young student.  During his summers he would go to his family’s summer home and write.  He even started his own organization in which they worked with the government to bring culture to people of poverty.  He really cared about bringing what he loved to those that don’t get to experience it every day.  The theater company, La Barraca, funded by the Ministry of Education of the Second Republic, would go around in the cities and have free plays, set up in the back of their truck.

As I learned about his accomplishments and dedication to his passion, I reflected on my own passion and thought about what I was doing to fulfill it.

Constantly throughout the trip I found myself searching to learn more about the education system.  Whenever we came into a new city, I found myself observing the people, to learn from them and from their culture.  As a Child Development major, I have learned about the ways in which children learn to be a part of the culture they are born into.  Many ways it is by observing, participating, and so much more.  These two main ways though, I found myself doing.  I found myself observing the locals and doing my best to participate, fit in, and not feel like a stranger.

I also paid close attention to the children as well, to see how they learned to be a part of their society.  It was really amazing to see that at such a young age many children already have that famous Spaniard accent.  It was awesome for me to be able to apply what I have learned in my Child Development classes back in Spain.

In the same way, I felt as a child myself.  Trying to learn the ways of the culture I was surrounded by.  By listening to the cues, using the language and form of communication, participating in the activities, etc.

Just as I did in Spain, I must carry out back home in my daily life:  make everything an adventure:

1.  THE MORE THE MERRIER.  First of all I would suggest that you explore the labyrinths in a group of three or more or with the help of a tour guide, as luckily we were able to have (the small streets there can be really confusing unless you have the help from someone).   If you go with a big group, try to stay close to each other so that you don’t lose anyone.  It’s always helpful to use the buddy system and/or continuously keep a count.  We never lost anyone

2.  CREATE LANDMARKS A tip, if you are traveling on your own would be to find landmarks within the streets to help you get around.  A great landmark that we used today was the The Cathedral of Cordoba.

3.  JUST BREATHE.   Really just relax and take in the culture of Cordoba.  The buildings, the people, the nature, the restaurants, the cathedrals, mosques, and synagogues, the music, the stores; everything tells a little part of the culture.  As you walk through the streets, observe it all:  the people, the buildings, the activities;  listen:  the conversations, the music, the church bells clanging.  Take in all of the nature.  You might catch more flowers everywhere in the spring, but we also were able to have some good luck with there being blooming flowers everywhere.

This simple yet complex and very deep sentence (and title of the poem) really resonated with me and my experiences here in Andalucia.   This course, (Southern Labyrinths: The East meets the West) has helped me see the ways in which the culture and writing really intertwine. Your writing, especially in this poem has helped me bring the cultural ideas, from what I have learned together.

My experiences, and the writings that I have read have helped me create a better view of myself and confidence in my abilities to make a change.

“It was as a solitary traveler that I began to discover who I was and what I stood for.”

12: Taking that bite of fresh bread


My departure from Spain began as I was sitting on the plan in Madrid, heading to London, and falling in a fast and deep sleep. I kept trying to stay awake to makesure I would be able to listen to any important announcements, such as if they would bring us food, etc. etc. and also trying to get myself to enjoy thelast views of Spain that I could get. As I fell into the deep sleep, somewhat fighting it to stay awake, I began daydreaming, or might as well say dreaming, of food in Spain.

I began imagining a nice, slice of freshly baked bread, the heat rising from the softness in the middle and crunchiness from the edge. the bread that they serve
(sometimes free) before every menu del dia. On top of the warm bread was some vinegar and oil, mixed with pepper and salt. Mmmmmm…so delicious……

I awoke. I realized that I awoke myself to my own movements in trying to take a bite from the delicious bread I was imagining. Dang, I was dreaming about it the whole time. I chuckled at myself a bit, at the fact that I was dreaming of actually eating this fresh bread with with vinegar, oil, salt, and pepper, and not actually eating it. I realized at that point, that these were one of the great things that I would miss of Spain, along with the delicious and wonderfully luxurious and filling meals from el menu del dia.

Paella-Mi primer Menu del Dia

Paella-Mi primer Menu del Dia

Pescado con Patatas-Plato dos del menu del dia

Pescado con Patatas-Plato dos del menu del dia


Tarta de la casa-Menu del Dia

Tarta de la casa-Menu del Dia


I didn’t think I was going to be a different person when I got back home. I expected to feel  super excited to finally be home and prefer to be here than back in Spain.

Don’t get me wrong, I was more than happy to see and be with my family again, but I found myself to really miss the adventures we would have out in Spain.  I think that I expected to be more happy to be home, but instead I missed the adventures through small streets, wrapped warm from the chilly weather, in search for a great place to have el menu del dia a bit more than my actual feeling of being happy to be home.  I think what made it harder to be home was the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to share with my family everything that I had seen or experienced.

As I imagined what it would be like to get home, I imagined my family there waiting for me, my mom, brother, and sister (I knew my dad would be at work at that time,
but also in the back of my head, still hoped he’d be there). I imagined them there waiting for me with smiles on their faces at the catch of seeing my face, and right
away feeling the joy of feeling at HOME AT LAST. But in reality, they couldn’t be there. My mom didn’t get out of work until 4 and the security points went by a lot
faster than I thought they would, which I thought would prolong and allow my family more time to get there to see me arrive.

When I arrived at the airport, awaiting my mom to get out of work to come pick me up, I decided to order some food in the meantime. I looked at the menu and decided I wanted some patatas. I realized, that I couldn’t actually order “patatas” but instead “fries”. I had to change my wording to adjust back into how to say it back here at home.

It didn’t really feel like home yet at that point.  I really wasn’t sure what to expect.  One thing is for sure though, I didn’t expect to feel like a different person when I got home.

It was hard for me at first to get back in the role of my life here, because the reality was, that I felt like a changed person, I feel like a changed person. I feel more adventurous and more control of the moves I make, the things I do, the decisions I make. In Spain, well during our free time mostly, I went where I wanted to go, we went where our group decided to eat, where we wanted to explore, and did what we wanted to do to enjoy Spain.

Adventures in Sevilla, Spain

Adventures in Sevilla, Spain

That feeling, and that ability to do all of that, I have brought home now and as I put it into play in my activities here at home, it plays out in the way that things aren’t going to get done if I don’t do them. I wasn’t going to eat if we didn’t decide on a place, and trust me, we would take a while sometimes exploring all of our different cuisine and cost options.

So now here back home, as I work on things for SFER (Students For Education Reform), I now have the mentality, that if we want to make one change, even a small change
to help better the education system, I have to start taking steps now. I have the power to decide what to do, and to actually make a decision. No more just dreaming
about what could be done and not actually doing it. If I want to get something done, I must actually take the steps in doing so.

I have control of the decisions I take and the adventures I decide to embark on.

I think what I learned was that everything you do, every decision you make is something you decide to do. It’s my decision. And in reality, I have to make the most of all that I live and all that I do. I learned to be more adventurous in my journeys abroad and as I try to readjust myself into the busy lifestyle I have here back home, I think to myself, why not bring this adventurous side and put it to something good.

Be proud of every decision I make and every decision I make should be done because I mean it. If I want to do something at our SFER chapter, don’t just imagine it to happen or wish on education improving. If I want to do something (like if I wanted to eat el menu del dia) then I have to go somewhere where they’re serving el menu del dia-in other words, take the steps I have to take if I want what would result.

Sometimes I can get so caught up in my constantly busy schedule of a full class schedule, working at two places, babysitting, and SFER. And it’s okay to be busy, because honestly, I kind of like it. But as I did in Spain, and loved that I was able to do, I must also be adventurous, appreciative of every moment, and really take life in. Live my life, not just fall in a routine every day. And that’s the thing, back in Spain, even though we had scheduled events, there was no constant routine. It was about exploring and seeing all of Spain that we could. I now sit here in my room, writing my final, feeling different, good different, and inspired to live my life to the fullest. I never thought I would feel different now than I did 21 days ago when I embarked on this Southern Labyrinths journey, yet I do. I can see now how writers found inspiration to write in traveling and in being somewhere where they felt a stranger, or saddened from leaving home.


It felt so good to come home and be able to listen to my Mumford and Sons CD as I drive in my car, blasting the music, singing along, and really feeling home once

4: The Garden of Aaliyah

El Jardin De Infantas

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Alhambra, there lived the great King Abu.  King Abu of course had many wives, but the most important of them all was Almas, the woman who bore his first son.  Because he valued her so much, King Abu wanted to make sure that each of her daughters were married off to princes, and were infantas no more.

Almas had three daughters, two of which had already been married off to princes from other kingdoms.  The youngest of their daughters, Aaliyah, was not married to anyone.  Aaliyah was independent, focused on her studies and did what she had to do  at home.    She loved reading and would read almost all day, spending it within the gardens of the infantas: filled with beautiful red, white, and peach roses; with rocks that paved the walkway; and trees shaped as arcs that marked the entry of this enchanted place she loved to spend her time in.   Aaliyah had it all, the best clothes, the freedom, the books, everything she could ever want.  All but one thing: love.

Garden of the Infantas

Garden of the Infantas

She had read so many books about love, and had fantasized about what her perfect man would be like.  He would be funny,generous, and most importantly, he would love her for who she was, not for being a daughter of the King.  Her father, King Abu, had been talking about having her marry a prince from other kingdoms and had come up with a few options for her.

In the next week, the first prince had arrived.  The prince, she found was very funny.  He arrived with a silly gift for Aaliyah that made her laugh.  As he conversed with her father, she found that this prince was in actuality very greedy.  He didn’t like to help others and he certainly was not there to meet Aaliyah, but instead there because he wanted riches for his own kingdom.  She knew that this was not the man for her.  He was funny yes, but generous he was not, and he indeed did not love her for who she was.

The next day, her father sent for the prince from another kingdom to come visit his beautiful and kind Aaliyah.  A few days later, the second prince arrived.  He arrived with a bouquet of roses and basket full of goods for the family.  “What a generous man!”, she thought.  She began asking him questions about him and discovered him to be a very funny man.  He made her laugh at the silliest of things.  When she excused herself to grab some refreshments for them she stayed close to listen in on her father’s conversation with the second prince.  She overheard their conversation.

“And how do you know that you love my daughter already, if you have just only met?”  The king asked attentively.

“I love her because she is your daughter of course, your highness!”  He chuckled.  But Aaliyah did not.  She shook her head and sighed.  He was funny yes, he was generous yes, but loved her for who she was, no.  He proclaimed his love for being only because she was the daughter of the great King of Alhambra.

Aaliyah was growing tired of having her father tell her who she should marry, and especially with the men he would send to come visit her.  None of them were pleasing enough.  None of them were good enough for her to spend the rest of her life with.  She became fed up with having to listen to her father,  and having to “be on her best behavior” with first and second princes that she frankly was not interested in.

Distressed, she grabbed her favorite book and ran away.  She ran to the garden, crying.  She was never going to find the man that would make her happy.  She wanted to be happy, she wanted to be loved like all of the women in the stories.

She found a comfortable spot within the garden and lay there, crying softly, wondering if she would ever find her perfect man.  She cried, wishing that somehow she would find her true knight in shining armor.  Finally, she fell into a deep, deep sleep.  The tears that had dripped down her face, had collected on the pavement and had begun to move through the lines between the rocks of the pavement, and down to the roots of the rose bushes.    As her tears dripped into the dirt and spread to the roots, the roses began to sparkle…one rose turned into a cloak, another into a shoe, another rose into a second shoe.  The tree she leaned against became a beautiful horse with a shining brown coat…

The next morning she awoke to a bright and shining sun, the cloak folded nicely, and shoes set closely near by.  As she began putting the cloak and shoes on, she heard a shuffle in the bush behind her, quickly she turned around and found Stang there.  She mounted Stang, and heard a clank.  Under her food, nicely fastened onto Stang’s wrap, she found a daggard within its case.  The daggard was very dull, and so she decided to set off into the city, to find a blacksmith.  She smiled.  She knew the rose bushes were up to something again, and she set off to find out.

Stang knew exactly where to go and how to get there.  He galloped through the streets and came to a stop in front of a blacksmith shop.  “Come on buddy, let’s go.”  But Stang wouldn’t budge.  She stepped off, grabbed the daggard and her book and walked up to the door.  Not really knowing what to do now, she knocked on the door.

A young man peeked out from the side of the shop.  “Hi, is there something I can help you with?”

“Uh yeah, I need to get, uh, this sharpened.”

“Come on back, I’ll help you out over here, I just have to finish this sword for my grandfather, it’s his birthday tomorrow.  Hi, I’m Abraham.”

“I’m Aaliyah,” she smiled.

They began talking, and soon enough, they were both laughing and making jokes.  She found him to be really funny.

“So what do you do,” she asked.

“Well I work here during the day, and when I’m done, I head home to help my mother out.  She cares for the elderly of the town.”

“Wow, how generous of you.”  He was funny AND generous.

The two went on talking, she talked about who she was, excluding the fact that she was King Abu’s daughter.  When it was time to close up the shop, he invited her to come and meet some of the elders of the town.  Happily, she went along.  She was really falling for this young man.  He closed up the shop and searched for something to wipe his face with. He had forgotten his handkerchief at home that day.

“Here take this,”  Aaliyah handed him a small handkerchief from her pocket.

“Thank you,” he said.  Little did she know, that it too had been made from the roses from the enchanted garden.

That night, Aaliyah had the time of her life with Abraham.  She really felt that he cared for her, for who she really was, without him even knowing who her father was.  On her way back home she realized that she was falling in love with him.  He was perfect.

Several nights went by, and each night, Aaliyah would escape from the kingdom to go meet Abraham at his shop.  They would talk each night, laugh, and enjoy each other’s company.

One night, she decided that she wanted to tell Abraham who her father was.  She didn’t want to keep lying to him.  That same night, Abraham had plans of his own.

When they met up that night, Abraham had a bigger smile on his face.  “I have to tell you something,” he said.  “I have to tell you something too,” she responded.

“Let me go first.  Aaliyah, I have had an amazing week with you.  You make me truly happy, and you are such an amazing person.  I love you Aaliyah.”

That was it, that’s what she needed to hear.  He loved her.  He loved her for herself, not for being her father’s daughter.  He was funny, he was generous, and he loved her for who she was!!  At the ring of his confession, the roses became roses again, and the cloak disappeared.  Her true identity was revealed.

Aaliyah had found her perfect man, and she too confessed her love for him.  Aaliyah never returned to the kingdom, because she knew the King would not approve of him being a blacksmith.  She didn’t care about losing all the greatness that she had.  She had found true love, and that’s what mattered the most to her.  She had found happiness.

Aaliyah and Abraham lived happily ever after.


13: A Stranger In a Familiar Land

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When I wrote my first blog I knew I wanted to introduce myself  in such a way that didn’t seem arrogant or all-knowing because I had visited Spain before. As a now 20 year old college student I was ready to experience it with a completely different perspective on life and on Spain and Morocco itself. However, when I look back now I realized I was as arrogant and cocky as ever! I was totally ready to take on Spain and Morocco but at the same time I didn’t realize just how much I don’t know about a completely foreign country. Spain in particular was mountain to climb without holding on to my mother’s hand. However, as I stepped onto Spanish soil I realized that I was going to need some help climbing this mountain because to me it was a totally different Spain than I remembered.

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It was in Granada where I really felt out of place or rather a stranger due to many different experiences. In my third blog I wrote of an experience I had with a gypsy who totally caught me off guard and through her charm and kindness forced me to pay her an unjustified amount of money for a silly most likely fake palm reading. This encounter went against my beliefs as a Catholic as well as personal beliefs yet I still did it simply because I didn’t know what was going on. Any Spaniard or tourist who has been there for even 3 or 4 days would have immediately known what to do but since it was our first time in Granda and my first time encountering a gypsy in that situation, I did not. I felt so stupid and it really ruined the rest of my day. Another instance that I didn’t mention in any other of my blogs was my encounter with a group of American hating Spaniards while in a bar. Words were exchanged and then I found myself realizing that this was not America and no matter how much I wanted to punch them all I couldn’t. I wasn’t in control of the situation. These events along with the usual not understanding of certain Spanish words due to my lack of vocabulary led to my understanding that I really am a stranger and foreigner. Theroux’s reading came to mind during such events because Theroux would use words such as “wounded or disabled” throughout his writings. Such words resonated with me because of the fact that everything that I knew and was familiar with had been stripped away and I was put in situations I was uncomfortable with.

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Spaniards at the bar trying to start a rumble with pico aka me.

Then, just like that we were on our way to Malaga and to many more experiences. Malaga was a different city than Granada in that it was much bigger and filled with much more to do. We visited many museums such was the famous Picasso museum as well as the Carmen Thyssen Museum. We also visited many smaller cities close to Malaga such as Ronda and Cordoba. While in Malaga I was able to enjoy more of the night life and to really explore with friends because we were there for so long. We visited different restaurants, stores, bars, pubs and lounges. Time spent in Malaga allowed me to feel less like a stranger became very familiar with the city.

Some outstanding experiences that I remember include our mission to find FC Barcelona vs. Malaga CF tickets. This experiences really spoke to me because it is the only true recollection I have conversing with a Spaniard for quite some time. The taxi driver took interest into our mission and really went the extra mile to help us as much as possible. I spoke about everything from life in the states to life in Spain, futbol, where my family is from, as well as listen to him converse with ticket scalpers for us. It was so interesting and eye opening listening to them speak so quickly and with many, many words i didn’t understand. Being a native Spanish speaker I was put back by how much I really didn’t know even though many of the words that were being used were slang terms. I would look back at my girlfriend and give her this look like “WTF”? Another memorable experience was the excursion to Cordoba. In Cordoba there was many, many Gypsies. Now, thanks to prior experiences I knew how to deal with them but they were relentless in Cordoba! While we walked around the small labyrinth like city, they would follow you around with their babies, or with rosemary/Romero. This was disheartening because my last name is Romero. Nonetheless it was very uncomfortable being there because you felt you had to take certain routes just to avoid them!

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After a long 6 days in Malaga, we were off to Gibraltar! I didn’t get a chance to write about Gibraltar because of unforeseen circumstances including power outages and no wifi. However, the visit to Gibraltar was in fact impressive. It was impressive because of its history but also because of the Rock of Gibraltar! This rock was filled with monkeys not native to the rock. What also stood out to me was the view from the rock. You could actually see the continent of Africa only an hour or so away by ferry. Once in Morocco I felt a strange sense of danger of the unknown. It was a continent and country I had never been to and a culture I was not use to so for me it was tough to adjust from familiar Spain to unfamiliar Morocco. We arrived in the new port frazzled and exhausted hoping to get straight to the hotel and sleep comfortably when we realized that we still had to bus from the port all the way to the main city in Tangier about an hour away through a mountainous road. While we went through this road I could not sleep comfortably. Too many thing were going through my head. What if this happens, what if that happens; it was all too much for me. To top things off once we finally arrived at the hotel the power in our part of the city was out! So there were no lights. As mentioned in my blog 11, a more exotic and vibrant Tangier was expected but unfortunately it was not something we saw, not because Tangier was not a beautiful city but because of circumstances and situations we couldn’t control that made our stay a trying one.

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The return home really shaped my overall trip. It allowed me to reflect on all that we had done and accomplished. Not everyone gets to travel and see all of these amazing places especially visit THREE countries in one day. So, for that I was truly grateful for not only the college and professors for giving me this opportunity but also my parents and family who really made the trip happen. Looking back I thoroughly enjoyed the whole trip especially experiencing with people I know and love as well as meeting and making new friends.


11: Fitting in and Making the Most of it All

I never imagined I would ever get to be in three countries in just ONE day.  Such an exhausting yet AMAZING day.  The experience was very interesting.  It’s amazing how accessible it is to travel to three countries in just one day.

Our day began on Thursday, January 17th, 2013 as we left Madrid in the dawn of the day as the sun began to peek over the Mediterranean horizon.

Sunrise over the Mediterranean Sea as we leave Malaga for the first time


One of the things that was interesting to see was the changes in languages from the three countries.

Languages in Spain:

In Spain the main language we heard was Spanish with few here and there able to speak some English (since I speak Spanish and spoke Spanish to the locals I really didn’t get to find this out for sure, but I am sure some do speak English).

Languages in Gibraltar:

As we were leaving Malaga and heading to Gibraltar, I think that I expected people to speak a lot of English, since it is a U.K. territory. I found our experience in Gibraltar to be a whole different story, something a bit different than what I expected.  It was so interesting to see, well hear, so many different languages around us.

We heard people speaking English but with a British accent, English with a Scottish accent, people speaking Spanish, and so many more languages.  “All over the Rock there were signs in six languages (English, Spanish, Italian, Japanese, Arabic, French) that said Do Not Feed the Apes!  and Apes Might Bite!  These signs were more frequent at the top, where one of the ape tribes–the friendlier of the two–lived.”  (Page 4 from the Pillars of Hercules by Paul Theroux).

 Languages in Tangier:

Before getting to Tangier, we knew that we would all feel like strangers.  In Spain, most of us were able to communicate with the locals and feel less of a stranger because we were able to speak Spanish.  But in Tangier, we knew that we would all face a difficult time in communicating with the locals.  Later that night when we arrived to Tangier, we asked someone at the front desk what languages were used, as we were interested to see if we could use one of the languages we knew to communicate with others in Tangier.

He told us that the most common languages used followed this order:

1) Arab

2) French

3) Spanish

4) English

The languages I knew weren’t even in the top two.  I was worried a bit about how I would get through with communicating but actually it didn’t go too bad.

Many merchants seemed to know English.  The only time I really had a bit of difficulty was during lunch on our first day there: shaking and nodding of my head helped me to get across whether I wanted food or not; paying was a bit difficult but a little experience that I can laugh at now, well laugh at my confusion (I still wasn’t used to how their money system worked and how it all converted to euros, which became my home money for those several days.)  It was also a bit difficult to communicate on our last day there in Tangier, when a few of us from the class got lost in the labyrinths.  Luckily, our repetition of the name of the place we wanted to go, came across to the young boys whom we stopped to ask for help from.

Mixed Feelings:

When we arrived to our hotel in Tangier, I walked out not realizing it was raining really hard.  It was dark out, and I quickly put my hood on to protect myself from getting so wet.  I searched for my suitcase being unloaded from the bus, tried to find my friends but new I didn’t have much time if I wanted to get out of the rain and inside.  I looked around a bit under my hood and saw other men getting suitcases.  I began pulling my suitcase up the marble stairs, careful not to slip, when a man offered to help me out.  I handed him my suitcase and said thank you, and I thanked him again when he set it in side the hotel.

The feeling of being there in the hotel, in the darkness, all wet, and wondering what we were going to do next, reminded me of the feelings Paul Bowles explained in a distant episode when the qaouaji brought him to his final destination:

“Indignation, curiousity, fear, perhaps, but most of all relief and the hope that this was not a trick…” (page 196, a distant episode, Paul Bowles).

I wasn’t sure what to feel.  I was relieved that our travles for the day had ended.  Then they said that they weren’t sure when the electricity was going to come back on, that the company was working on it and hopefully it came back soon.  I felt some fear there.  Wondering if the power outage was something normal, or common when it rains here in Tangier, or wondering if it was something I should worry about.  Maybe the power didn’t go out because of the rain but instead something else of danger.

Either way I was okay.  I felt safe that our group was there, safe and sound, all together, and exhausted.  When a group of us girls had to go to the bathroom  we all lit up our smartphones and used our light apps to help us along the way; working together to keep each other comfortable and feeling safe.  And it worked.  I felt safe afterwards.  Our whole class had dinner over candles and we all sat together at three tables, being kind to one another because we knew that we were all hungry and tired.  We sat there making the most of it all, laughing smiling, and grubbing as soon as the food arrived :)

Patience my grasshopper:

Throughout our travels of crossing the borders from Spain to Africa and from Africa to Spain, we all hurriedly wanted to get across to our destination.  But really, what was the rush, there was no need to rush.  All of this is a part of traveling, it’s all a part of the ADVENTURE.  In “For Whom the Bell Tolls” Hemmingway hurriedly wanted to arrive to his destination, but the woman wanted to relax.  She said, “Then calm yourself.  There is much time.  What a day it is and how I am contented not to be in pine trees.  You cannot imagine how one can tire of pine trees,” (page 6, Chapter 10 from For Whom the Bell Tolls by Ernest Hemmingway).  She expresses how she is tired of palm trees (the same ol, same ol), she wanted to relax and enjoy this new view she was having; this different experience.  And that is exactly what each of us during this day had to do.  During the travels all we could do is relax and make the most of the situation we were in.



Although the experience of traveling to three countries all in one day was exhausting, I found it a great opportunity.  We got to see what life was like in three different places, and I can now say I have been to Spain, U.K. (well U.K. territory), and Africa!!!!




13: Un viaje inolvidable


Después de un largo viaje y de un tour rapidito de Granada, un grupo de nosotras queríamos disfrutar de esta ciudad, pero relajarnos al mismo tiempo. Fuimos a un restaurantito junto a una plaza  donde sirven chocolate caliente y churros. Nos sorprendimos a ver que estaba lleno. El restaurante estaba lleno de parejas, familias, amistades y hasta juntas de negocios. Estas personas eran de todas edades, desde recién nacidos hasta mayores. En Granada, se acostumbra tomarse un tiempo después de la cena o trabajo y socializar con gente. Ese idea me fascina.

¿Cómo es que en España trabajan y todavía tienen energía de salir a socializar tarde en la noche, mientras uno en Estados Unidos normalmente quiere hacer nada después del trabajo? El ambiente era alegre, lleno de carcajadas y sonrisas. Algo que se ve más al menudo en los Estado Unidos, pero sería bonito si viera más frecuente.

Viajar es algo maravilloso. La experiencia de un viaje es algo que nada podrá quitarnos. Y una de estas experiencias memorables es cuando comí tres ves en un día, y cada vez que comí fue en un país diferente.

Nos levantamos temprano el viernes, 18 de enero del 2013 en España antes de viajar por autobús a llegar a Gibraltar, que es territorio del Reino Unido. Gibraltar es un lugar pequeño donde se encuentra una de las pierdas de Hércules (una creencia en cual una pierda fue dividida a dos cuando los platos de la tierra se movieron; una mitad existe en Gibraltar). El Pilar de Hércules en Gibraltar es conocido por sus monos. La pierda esta llena de monos, quienes no se han movido a otro lugar.  Como describe Paul Theroux en su libro The Pillars of Hercules enel primer capitulo, Theroux escribe como la gente de Gibraltar realmente aprecian a los monos y hasta gastan dinero de los recursos gobiérnales para mantener a los monos.

Pero lo que se me hace interesante es como Gibraltar es todavía territorio del Reino Unido en de vez de España. Gibraltar esta junto a España geográficamente, ¿por qué no ser parte del gobierno debajo de España? Theroux explica que la gente de Gibraltar realmente aprecian a los monos porque tienen la creencia que mientras estén los monos, Gibraltar será territorio del Reino Unido. Si algún día desaparecen los monos de la Pierda de Gibraltar, ese día es cuando el Reino Unido entregara Gibraltar al gobierno de España. La creencia que si los monos se van Gibraltar será parte del gobierno Española es la razón porque el gobierno de Gibraltar mantiene a los monos para que se queden.

Después de un día turístico en Gibraltar y comer “fish and chips”, nos subimos al autobús para poder subirnos a una barca para cursar el Mar Mediterráneo. Este momento me recuerda de el capitulo “To Morocco on the Ferry Boughaz” en The Pillars of Hercules, escrito por Paul Theroux. Theroux describe como es difícil tomar un barco para cursar el Mar Mediterráneo. Es evidente que el Mar Mediterráneo es brutal y el clima siempre atrasa los barcos. Nosotros experimentamos esto cuando estábamos intentando de subirnos al barco de vuelta a España unos cuantos días después.

El viaje de barco para cursar el Mar Mediterráneo era una experiencia inolvidable. Siempre me ha gusta el mar y me encantan más los viajes cruceros que duran una semana. Este viaje, aunque corto de solamente una hora, era como si hubiera regresado a mi paraíso: respirar el aire fresco, oír la olas del océano, y mirar absolutamente nada alrededor de nosotros.

Al llegar a Tánger, Marruecos, no subimos a un autobús donde pensábamos que iba ser un viaje de veinte minutos. Estábamos equivocados. Llegamos al hotel una hora y media después donde había un apagón de la luz. Después de un largo día, esto era lo ultimo que pensábamos que nos iba a pasar. Pero soy una gran creyente en que todo pasa por una razón. No tuvimos luz en el hotel, pero no sirvieron la cena a luz de una velas. Nunca en mi vida me ha tocado algo tan relajante. En medio de la cena regreso la luz y todo regreso a lo normal.

Así fue como desayune en España, almorcé en Gibraltar ( el Reino Unido), y cené en Marruecos: tres países en dos diferente continentes en un día.

Mi regreso a casa no era el mejor posible. En primer lugar, no estaba lista para regresar a casa. Todavía sentía que había mucho por ver en España porque un poco más de dos semanas no era suficiente tiempo para verlo todo. Pero ni modo, el boleto del pasaje de avión ya estaba comprado y no tenia dinero para cambiarlo.

Después de dos viajes, uno de Madrid, España a Londres, Reino Unido y el segundo del Londres, Reino Unido hasta Los Ángeles, California, llegue a casa con mis padres. Si solamente hubiera visto una sonrisas grandes sobres sus rostros porque al fin había llegado su hija. No me lo tomen a mal, mis padres estaban felices que había llegado a casa sin peligro, pero había otra cosa en su mente. Mi Tío Roberto había fallecido mientras yo estaba en España. Después de cinco años peleando contra el diabetes, mi Tío Roberto no pudo resistir más. Al llegar a casa y después de que se fuera mi amiga, mis padres me contaron todo. Me contaron como se fue en paz, como toda su familia estaba con él en el cuarto del hospital; como todos pensaran que mi Tío Roberto se había dormido y no era hasta momentos después que se dieron cuenta que la maquina marcaba que su corazón daba cero pulsaciones por minuto. Mi Tío Roberto fallezco el miércoles, 16 de enero un poco después de mediodía horario de Los Ángeles. Me puse a pensar que era lo que yo estaba haciendo en ese momento y me recordé que ese día fuimos a Ronda por el día y regresamos a Málaga donde fui a ver la obra de teatro “La Loba”. Hasta me da escalofríos en pensar que yo me estaba divirtiendo en mirar una obra (me encanta mirar obras) mientras mi familia estaba viviendo un momento demasiado triste. Me consuelo en decirme que no había manera de lo que supiera, nadie me lo había comunicado. Pero te todos modos, debía de ver estado con mi familia en estos momentos duros.

Como siempre, cuando alguien secano a ti fallece, te hace pensar en que precioso es la vida y como hay que gozar de cada momento. Como cuando estuvimos en Marruecos y llegamos al hotel y no había luz. En de vez enojarse, hay que dar gracias que tenemos techo y  gozar lo tranquilo que es convivir con la luz de las velas. O cuando nos toco caminar al hotel en una tormenta fuerte de lluvia y no teníamos bastantes paraguas para todos. En de vez de gritarle a la naturaleza, hay que reírnos de nuestras experiencias aunque nos mojáramos como si hubiéramos nadado en un océano. O como no encontrábamos barco de regreso a España porque las olas del Mar Mediterráneo estaban muy fuertes. Todas estas experiencias han hecho mi viaje a España y Marruecos inolvidable y ahora buenos cuentos para convivios con mis amistades. Estas experiencias me recuerdan del dicho que mi tía un día me dijo cuando era pequeña, “Mija, todo en la vida tiene solución, menos la muerte.” Y así fue como estas experiencias de mi viaje tuvieron solución, menos la muerte de mi Tío Roberto. Que descanse en paz.


12: Coca Cola, rosas, y un abrazo

Después de pasar casi tres semanas en España y pocos días en Marruecos no estaba listo para el viaje a casa. No estaba muy emocionado por las catorce horas que estaban por llegar. Pero si estaba listo para ver a mi familia y todas las personas que me esperaban en casa. Cuando digo la palabra “casa” hablo del lugar en que mi familia me espera. Digo esto porque en realidad España era mi casa por casa tres semanas. Y los 18 estudiantes que me acompañaban eran mis hermanos. El primer pensamiento que se me vino a la mente cuando me subí al avión era “MI CAMA!!” España es un país precioso, pero ninguna cama en todos los hoteles que visitamos compara a la cama que me esperaba en casa.

Me subi al avion con todas las experiencias nuevas que España me dio en el pasado. Todas las cosas que pasaron tan rápido, sabia que mi tiempo en un lugar extraño acababa de terminar. Yo me iba del país pero toda la cultura y la historia se quedo atrás, para que los otros turistas que van a visitar en el futuro vean lo mismo que yo vi. Lo mismo paso con todas la culturas que llamaron España “casa” en un tiempo. Como los Arabes que construyeron muchos lugares que ahora son monumentos y lugares de turismo para España. EN mis maletas llevaba souvenirs para familiares y amigos, para que sepan que yo visite a España. Pero yo no esperaba lo que me estaba esperando cuando saliera del aeropuerto.

Esta era la primera vez que yo era la persona saliendo del aeropuerto, las primeras personas que vi eran mis hermanos y mi mama. Y después de despedirme de todos los estudiantes empezó la sorpresa. Yo tenia pensado que solo me iban a recoger y iba yo a descansar en mi cama. Pero en el camino para el carro me encontré con amigos, poco a poco, me guiaron a una destinación extraña, me sentí como en España otra vez. Pero al final del camino encontré a mi mejor amiga. Que me estaba esperando con una rosa, botellas de coca cola, y un abrazo. En otras palabras así es como me la pase en España, me la pase tomando coca cola viendo las rosas preciosas, y como en casa. En España me sentí como en casa, como que si me estuviera dando un abrazo en todo el tiempo que pase allí. La vuelta a casa era nada de lo que me esperaba pero todo lo que quería.